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Strategies for Helping Children deal with Deployment
Deployments are a fact of life for military families. Children will all react to the separation in different ways. The following are some tips to assist parents.

• Remember that you are the “expert” on your child. You know what is normal behavior for her/him and will be the best one to notice when things are out of sync.
• Reassure your children often that they are loved by those at home and by their deployed parent. Give lots of hugs.
• As appropriate, be honest with your children. Trying to hide things from them will only lead them to imagine the situation is much worse than it really is.
• Understand your child’s level of development. Know what is normal behavior for your child’s age. Be aware of changes and seek assistance early
• Listen to your children and help to clear up any misunderstandings they may have (Mom/Dad does get to eat and sleep even though their bed/ refrigerator is at home!). Be with your child when watching/reading news so you can answer questions. In times of crisis, limit their exposure to media so that it does not increase their anxiety.
• Expect regression, changes, and stress due to separation.
• Talk about your child’s feelings and allow him or her to do the same. Accept those feelings even though they may be very different from your own.
• Encourage your children to talk. Let them share options, suggestions, and solutions for problems. Encourage them to express anger verbally, not physically.
• Provide additional adult relationships for your children, which may include grandparents, neighbors, friends, teachers, religious leaders, coaches, scout leaders, etc.
• Inform your child’s teachers/guidance counselors about the deployment so they are better able to provide assistance to the child if necessary. Ask if there is a deployment support group available in the school. FFSC staff can help start one if requested.
• Remember, a picture is worth a thousand words. Children learn their coping skills from those around them. How well you cope with the deployment will have a significant influence on how your children will react.
• Take care of yourself. You need to eat well, get sufficient rest and exercise, and spend time doing things you enjoy. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for your children.

Stress Reactions in Children
Children are affected not only by a crisis itself, but also by their parents’ reactions to the crisis. How children react depends upon how secure their world was prior to the crisis, the nature of the crisis, and their ability to understand exactly what has happened. Although it’s not possible to predict how each child will react, many children of similar ages have these common reactions.

	Common reactions:		Common behaviors you may see:
	Fear — "What if something bad happens?" Helplessness — "There's nothing I can do about any of this." Anger — "Why does my (dad/mom) have to go?" Confusion — "What is happening? I don't understand all this." Loneliness — "I don't want you to go."		Aggressiveness — at home, at school, with playmates or siblings Misbehaving — unusual acting out or oppositional behavior Regression — bedwetting, sleep disturbances, thumb-sucking, tantrums Withdrawal — unusually quiet, reclusive, disinterested in activities or friends Clingy — often present in young children who are experiencing separation anxiety Changes — in eating or sleep habits

Suggestions for helping your children cope:

Provide	Discuss	Accept	Look	Know
Provide extra attention and care; there will be an increased need for physical closeness.	Discuss the situation. Children need factual information as well as the opportunity to talk about their feelings. They need to hear that what they are feeling is normal and expected, although it may be uncomfortable. Be prepared to talk about it many times.	Accept children’s expressions of anger and frustration. Help them to recognize and name the emotions they are experiencing. Model healthy ways to express them.	Look to the future. Planning for upcoming events is a step toward recovery.	Know and utilize your resources. Help is available to those who ask.

• Talk to children on their level. When trying to explain complicated concepts to young children (such as what war is or why it might happen), use examples from children's books, stories, or even cartoons.
• When talking about these complex matters with older children, it sometimes helps to introduce the subject, just say a few things and then wait to see if the child has questions. Sometimes older kids don't want to know much or may need to mentally shield themselves from their fear and sadness. You know your child best. Try to "read" her or his reaction to what you are saying and adjust your approach accordingly.
• Encourage children to talk about the situation and ask questions. However, if discussing it seems to upset your child too much, you may want to space out these discussions over time or be sure to follow them with something pleasurable, like playing a game, watching a favorite video, or reading a book.
• Limit your child’s access to TV and media coverage about the military situation, particularly if he or she seems to be having strong emotional and behavioral reactions.
• Pay close attention to your child’s behavior, especially changes like withdrawal or aggression. Children often show depression differently than adults, and you should be vigilant for any signs of abrupt, intense or chronic mood or behavior changes.
• The person who is leaving should be realistic and honest about how long he or she may be gone. Be careful about making predictions that are overly optimistic.
• If you are the one who is being deployed, reassure your children that you will do everything you can to be safe, and let them know how you will be contacting them. Be careful about making promises about how often you’ll be in contact if you aren’t certain you can keep them.
• During this time, children often need much more adult attention and involvement. If you are being deployed, maximize your time with your child before leaving. If you are the one remaining home, dedicate more time to being with your children.
• Notify child care providers and/or teachers of the situation. Educate them about possible behavior changes, and encourage them to contact you if they have concerns.